Saturday, December 14, 2013

8 Gifts a Cat Lover Actually Wants

Does your mom, sister or friend love cats as much as I do? (If your friend is a boy, mind setting us up?) Then no worries, here are some catastic gifts!

These are gifts that, as a cat lover, someone would actually want. Unlike that buzzfeed article. Crafting with Cat Hair? Um no thanks that is weird as fuck.

I've even attached the links for your online shopping convenience!

1. 12 Cats of Christmas


(I actually already have this book, so if you were thinking of getting it for me, sorry my neighbor beat ya to it last year)
Buy now!

2. Kitten Oven Mitt

Does she/he love cats? Does she/he love to cook? If you answered yes to both these questions than it would be a sin not to get them one of these. *hint hint, this is on my Pinterest Christmas list
Buy now!

3. Jingle Bell Cat Collar

Don't want your cat going after the partridge in the pear tree? This cute and functional collar should do the trick! The bells will be festive, plus warn any unassuming birdies that your cat is coming!

4. Cat Lint Rollers
They say no outfit is complete without cat hair, but when your cat is white and your outfit is black, sometimes people judge you.
Buy now!

5. Cat Butts Magnets
Your friend probably has cats instead of kids to make them homemade magnets for Christmas so this is the purrrfect gift
Buy now!

6. Cat Fancy Subscription

You can send in pictures of your cutest kitties and win contests, see pictures of weird looking cats, and learn some cat facts! How do I know this? I used to be subscribed to this magazine.
Subscribe now!

7. Aristocats

Cats+ Disney, what could be better?
Buy now!

8. A New Kitty!

If your friend already has all these gifts, then the no-fail gift, is another cat of course! Did you know having pets adds 5 years to your life. So have lots of pets, become immortal. Maybe.
Adopt me!

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Why Thanksgiving is Better than Sex (in pictures)

So Thanksgiving is coming up, and it is probably one of the most exciting times of the year because you are allowed to eat 5x your daily caloric intake, and then sleep the rest of the day, and no one will judge you.

Now if these don't make your ...urm.. mouth water, then I don't know what will.

Foreplay aka appetizers and sides
Cranberry sauce gets classy.

What's better than stuffing? Deep fried stuffing.

I will lick that gravy off the side of the dish.

The main event aka the TURKEY
There is such thing as a honeybaked turkey

Or Turducken

Or Tofurky. Whatever you're into.

Cuddling aka dessert
You can caramel pecan my cupcakes

Pumpkin + Oreos = my two favorite flavors (is oreo a flavor? it is now)

Get in my mouth.

It's okay to spike this.

Hopefully you've been able to fill both your emotional void with this #foodporn, and be sure to fill your physical needs by eating everything next Thursday! And, the best part, the only pregnancy scare you'll get is a food baby!

Sunday, October 20, 2013

FOUND: 7 Long Lost Twins

Have you ever wanted to find your long lost twin or your celebrity look a like? Well, luckily for the following seven people, I have already found theirs! For the rest of you, keep looking, unless you want me to find your twin... (probably not after you read this...)

Katy Perry or Zooey Deschanel?

Draco Malfoy or Miley Cyrus?

Candy Crush Girl or Honey BooBoo?

Amy Adams or The Little Mermaid?

Bubbles the powerpuff girl or Lady Gaga in bubbles?

Kim Kardashian or Shamu?

Avril Lavigne or Mr. Seaweed Monster Man?

It's funny because most of these people have created this appearance in order to stand out...well sorry to burst your bubble, but it looks like someone may have beat you to it. At least you have an easy Halloween costume idea?

Thursday, October 17, 2013

10 Struggles of Being a Short Girl

While there are a few good things about being short like buying shoes from the kid's section (so much cheaper), there are also quite a few problems us shorties have to deal with on a regular basis. Here we go.

1. Being an arm rest for all your tall friends.
This girl is still smiling because she hasn't yet figured out that this will soon be a daily happening.

2. Not being able to reach the top shelf.
Or trying not to die when figuring out a way to reach it.

3. Having to pay twice as much for jeans to get them hemmed.
Even the "short" jeans are too long.

4. Being mistaken for being younger than you actually are.
I promise I'm legal!

5. Standing next to a tall guy makes you look like a small child.
He plays basketball in case you were wondering.

6. People trying to pick you up.
Please put me back down. Gently.

7.Sitting behind a tall person in class.
K. I guess I won't be taking notes today.

8. Wearing heels in order to be normal height.
And not even having the choice of wearing flats unless you only want the top of your head in all the pictures.

9. Feet are constantly dangling when sitting on anything.
At least they don't have to touch the cold floor?

10. Always being in the front row of pictures or the end of the "Cingular bars."
Guess which one is me!

But anyways, if you're short, embrace it. You won't have to worry about hitting your head on anything and you might be able to get away with ordering off the kid's menu (hello, mac and cheese!)

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

What my communications class has taught me about life

If you're not attractive, you're out of luck.
In relationships, jobs, you name it. The better looking person is always the winner. We watched this video on how equally qualified people but not equally good looking went for the same job. The attractive person overwhelming got the jobs over the "average" looking person. Now this seems obvious, if they are equally qualified, then there must be some deciding factor, soo... looks. I believe that if a less qualified, but more attractive person went for the job, they would win it over the less attractive, more qualified person.
Also, most jobs that need a face, like sales, marketing, etc. are going to be the better looking people. So if you're homely looking, go be a telemarketer or scientist or something. I think I would rather buy something I don't need from someone who looks like Dave Franco. Or James. Either one is fine.

If you want something you have to be assertive.
We should all be really direct so that we can communicate what we want to communicate. If you want to go on a date with someone you should just ask them instead of asking to borrow their pencil every day. If you want to have sex with them just ask them.

Why yes, yes I do, Dave.
Maybe this seems a little forward but I totally agree. The most annoying situation is when someone asks you to hang out. Like what does that mean??? Does this mean hang out or "hang out" Because sometimes I think hang out means hook up so I actually put makeup on and maybe even shave my legs but then I get there and they want to watch football and I mean that's cool I like football, but I fucking shaved my legs for you. ugh. And then sometimes I want to watch football but then all of a sudden the football on the tv isn't the only ball in front of your face. yikes. That's why people should just be clear so no one gets their hopes up or ends up in an awkward situation. Like I would rather awkwardly reject you now instead of walking all the way to your dorm and then having to leave. I'm too lazy for that shit.

People communicate because they want something from you.
Maybe they don't want like money or stuff from you but they want you to talk back to them, be their friend, get the fuck out of their life, bake cookies with them, etc. I think this pretty much sums up my texting life. But seriously, one of the things I hate is when I get a text that says, What's up. Like I will probably never respond to you if you send me that, or you will get some sort of crude or sarcastic response like, my dick or the ceiling. Also, "What's up" to me is just a sign that you are bored, you're a boring person, or you just don't know what else to say and therefore I really don't want to talk to you. Also, you will never get a "What's up" text from me, and if you do, that means someone took my phone. I think the only thing people want when they text that is the other person to respond so I guess you are giving them happiness, but I guess I'm a bitch and I don't want to give people happiness. I just feel like I'm being used to cure your boredom and I'm not about that life. For instance, I like to fill material needs vs. emotional needs like boredom. Why do I call my parents? (most of the time at least) So they'll send me care packages, pay for my plane ticket home, or not disown me.

We should all over think our interactions with people.
Because every nonverbal cue or interaction means something! What that is, well you'll have to figure that out yourself based on experience, cultural norms, your knowledge of the other person, etc. So say a guy gave you this look:

a)he was so shocked at your beauty he had to take a second look and clear his eyes.
b) your ugliness blinded him for 0.2 seconds so he had to refocus his vision.
c) he had something in his eyes like sparkles or pixi dust
d) he just woke up from a nap

That girl just touched your arm and batted her eyelashes. what does that mean??
a) she wants the D.
b) a guy she actually likes is nearby and she is trying to make him jealous.
c) her friend likes you and she is trying to get on your good side so she can set you guys up.
d) she is just a naturally flirty person and you're no one special.

I can't even include all of the things I've learned and I will probably learn more ridiculous things throughout the semester. Well, I've been writing this instead of looking at my notes so I hope it counts as studying for my test tomorrow.
Peace out, bitches.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Types of Facebook Notifications

The prolonged picture convo:
Maybe you started off in the conversation or maybe it's just one of your photos. This is most annoying when you don't even know the people who are having a conversation on the photo or when people are being weird and trying to flirt or something. What so you can be like, "oh yes children, your daddy first asked me out on a photo of a llama on Facebook. It was so cute. The conversation, and the llama too!" Please take your conversation to chat, please.

Game invites:
I think we all remember when FarmVille was a thing. Thank god I never joined that, I probably would have gotten addicted. But now Candy Crush is all the rage. I started playing and got to level 130 (on my phone) and my brother somehow convinced me to connect it to Facebook. But anyway I couldn't get passed this level so I got mad and deleted the app, but Facebook still sent me a million notifications every time my dad asked me to send him lives even though I told him I wasn' t playing anymore. Anyways, I just found out a couple days ago how to turn off these notifications and it's been the best thing since dried mangoes.

The tagged photos from last night:
Some people are super speedy in uploading photos from their phone and tag you in them right away. Usually this is okay because I am expecting what the photos are going to be. When it gets scary is when they do what I usually do, and wait an awkwardly long period of time to upload photos (I blame my phone because it doesn't sync to Facebook correctly so I have to email them to myself. lame.) and then before you look at the photos you have no clue what they are going to be of. Also I hate when people take candid photos of me or tag me when I am in the background of a photo because I usually look stupid. (If you look closely at the guy next to me, clearly we were making faces at something.)That is why I am glad my grandparents don't have Facebook because they always take pictures of me eating or in my pajamas or something.

Someone stalking your pics:
Now this can be fine or really creepy depending on who is liking your pics. For example, it's acceptable for your best friend to like all your profile pics and send you 100 notifications or find an old embarrassing picture of you that you left on before you learned how to un-tag yourself. When it gets creepy is when someone was clearly stalking you and you two aren't close enough for that to be an okay thing. If it continues and is followed by a creepy Facebook message, this usually leads to blocking on my part.

The Facebook group:
This is especially annoying when it is a group you can't really leave, or sometimes, like 1 out of 15 posts is actually something you need to pay attention to, so if you just turn off your notifications then you would probably never look at the group and miss out on everything then people would get mad at you and be like, didn't you know, I posted it on the Facebook group!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Random advice #2: from my summer internship supervisor

This summer I surprisingly received a lot of good advice from my internship supervisor but here were the two thoughts I liked the most. Now these ideas came from one of the funniest, but most respectable people I have ever met.

1. Don't make wishes, make goals. He said that there is not point in wishing for something, because wishing doesn't actually make anything a reality. Wishing is removed from reality. Wishing is putting your life into someone else's hands. Making goals is making steps to actually achieving something. So, instead of saying, I wish I was this, or I wish I could do that, or maybe one day...make those wishes goals, with deadlines and start obtaining what was once wishes. Wishing is different from dreaming. Dreaming I believe is finding out what you truly want in life. Dreaming doesn't necessarily point to any future or hurt you as much as wishing does. I think wishing hurts the most because we are helpless and need to rely on others. The best way to achieve something is to do it yourself. Yes, you can get help along the way, but placing your whole present and future in someone else's hands isn't really fulfilling your goals, it may just be fulfilling theirs. So, next time, instead of saying, I wish I was better at this...make yourself better by going out and doing it. (like Nike says, "Just Do It.")

2. Pain is good. Pain is good because it reminds us that we are alive. We go through our mundane lives and sometimes we forget that we are sensitive, that we can feel, and that we are human. Pain doesn't necessarily have to be excruciating, uncomfortable pain, but some pain is good. Pain can mean that we are just breaking down to build up to be something better. For example, when we lift weights, we are tearing apart our muscles, and the next day you are sore because your body is attempting to rebuild what you tore apart. Yes, this can be painful, but then you can remember that when the body repairs muscle and bone, it builds it to be bigger and stronger than before. I think for him, experiencing pain was almost a good thing, because it gave him this sort of adrenaline to keep going. Pain wasn't something you cried or complained about, but something you accepted and acknowledged. Not saying we should all be masochists or inflict pain on ourselves, but the concept and reality of pain is a good thing. Think of the people who feel no pain. They may feel no restrictions and we may think this is a good thing, almost superhero like, but not feeling pain doesn't stop you from getting hurt. You are still physically hurt, just not feeling it emotionally. Feeling pain reminds us that our mind and body are connected and that we are connected to each other and our surroundings.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Types of people you'll encounter in your classes.

Here is just a sample of the types of people you have already, or will in the future, encounter in your classes.

That one guy who when you hear his name being called during role, you immediately turn your head. Not because he's your best friend or super attractive, but because you remember reading his name all over the Class of _ _ _ _ Facebook group. You already think you know him just based on all his posts and comments. He may have even tried to add you on Facebook... before school even started but you politely ignored his friend request because you haven't even met him and his face isn't worth stalking through the internet and it's not even awkward because he probably doesn't even recognize that you were one of the 2,000 people he added over the summer.
The eager beaver/teacher's pet. Now while we are all smart cookies in college, there is always going to be that one person who puts WAY to much emphasize on the 5 points you get for participation. They raise their hand first for EVERYTHING. Even if they don't know the answer. Then you have to listen to them ramble and either smirk at getting the right answer or tell some personal story that no one really cares about.

The guy from Last Friday Night. Maybe you did or didn't realize he was in one of your classes when it happened but now you have to sit in the same room as him for the next 2 months and every time he walks in you try not to make eye contact and hope he doesn't remember because you sure remember how bad of a kisser he was and how he always tries to talk to you at parties, but then in class you wish he didn't know you existed to save you both from some embarassment.

The hottie. The only reason you are somewhat excited to wake up and go to your 8am class and maybe, just maybe put on some makeup and non-hoboish clothing. You don't know much about him besides the fact that the back of his head is beautiful and one time he turned around to ask you what the date was, or what answer you got for #5.

The one girl who is in all of your classes so therefore she thinks you are destined to be best friends. You just happen to be taking all of the same divisional requirements but somehow she thinks that you have so much in common and that you should walk to every class together and sit next to each other but you try to make an excuse like, sorry I have to pee before class, don't wait up for me...but sometimes she does and since you are walking in the same direction you can't really avoid her. Also sometimes you are just cranky and tired and don't want to talk to anyone in the morning or maybe you actually care about what you are learning in class but she won't shut up.