What my communications class has taught me about life

If you're not attractive, you're out of luck.
In relationships, jobs, you name it. The better looking person is always the winner. We watched this video on how equally qualified people but not equally good looking went for the same job. The attractive person overwhelming got the jobs over the "average" looking person. Now this seems obvious, if they are equally qualified, then there must be some deciding factor, soo... looks. I believe that if a less qualified, but more attractive person went for the job, they would win it over the less attractive, more qualified person.
Also, most jobs that need a face, like sales, marketing, etc. are going to be the better looking people. So if you're homely looking, go be a telemarketer or scientist or something. I think I would rather buy something I don't need from someone who looks like Dave Franco. Or James. Either one is fine.

If you want something you have to be assertive.
We should all be really direct so that we can communicate what we want to communicate. If you want to go on a date with someone you should just ask them instead of asking to borrow their pencil every day. If you want to have sex with them just ask them.

Why yes, yes I do, Dave.
Maybe this seems a little forward but I totally agree. The most annoying situation is when someone asks you to hang out. Like what does that mean??? Does this mean hang out or "hang out" Because sometimes I think hang out means hook up so I actually put makeup on and maybe even shave my legs but then I get there and they want to watch football and I mean that's cool I like football, but I fucking shaved my legs for you. ugh. And then sometimes I want to watch football but then all of a sudden the football on the tv isn't the only ball in front of your face. yikes. That's why people should just be clear so no one gets their hopes up or ends up in an awkward situation. Like I would rather awkwardly reject you now instead of walking all the way to your dorm and then having to leave. I'm too lazy for that shit.

People communicate because they want something from you.
Maybe they don't want like money or stuff from you but they want you to talk back to them, be their friend, get the fuck out of their life, bake cookies with them, etc. I think this pretty much sums up my texting life. But seriously, one of the things I hate is when I get a text that says, What's up. Like I will probably never respond to you if you send me that, or you will get some sort of crude or sarcastic response like, my dick or the ceiling. Also, "What's up" to me is just a sign that you are bored, you're a boring person, or you just don't know what else to say and therefore I really don't want to talk to you. Also, you will never get a "What's up" text from me, and if you do, that means someone took my phone. I think the only thing people want when they text that is the other person to respond so I guess you are giving them happiness, but I guess I'm a bitch and I don't want to give people happiness. I just feel like I'm being used to cure your boredom and I'm not about that life. For instance, I like to fill material needs vs. emotional needs like boredom. Why do I call my parents? (most of the time at least) So they'll send me care packages, pay for my plane ticket home, or not disown me.


We should all over think our interactions with people.
Because every nonverbal cue or interaction means something! What that is, well you'll have to figure that out yourself based on experience, cultural norms, your knowledge of the other person, etc. So say a guy gave you this look:

a)he was so shocked at your beauty he had to take a second look and clear his eyes.
b) your ugliness blinded him for 0.2 seconds so he had to refocus his vision.
c) he had something in his eyes like sparkles or pixi dust
d) he just woke up from a nap

That girl just touched your arm and batted her eyelashes. what does that mean??

a) she wants the D.
b) a guy she actually likes is nearby and she is trying to make him jealous.
c) her friend likes you and she is trying to get on your good side so she can set you guys up.
d) she is just a naturally flirty person and you're no one special.

I can't even include all of the things I've learned and I will probably learn more ridiculous things throughout the semester. Well, I've been writing this instead of looking at my notes so I hope it counts as studying for my test tomorrow.

Peace out, bitches.

Cooking 101

It has come to my attention that too many young people in this world do not know how to cook.

No, cooking does not include microwaving easy mac (although some people can’t even figure out that you need to put in water before you microwave it (*cough* *cough* Collins 2^nd floor) so I am going to comprise a few cooking 101 rules, recipes and just some common sense.

1. Boxed Meals and Desserts

Please, please, please just read the directions. Boxed meals were made for soccer moms, college students and other cooking challenged individuals on a tight budget/schedule.

From brownies to hamburger helper, cooking from a box is pretty easy. All you need is a few fresh ingredients like water, oil, milk or meat, stir it all together and voila! you have yourself some pretty decent food.

            “Homemade brownies”—to make these seem like you didn’t just make these from a boring box and actually have some cooking skills, add other things like chocolate chips or walnuts, or before you put them in the oven squeeze some caramel sauce in lines and then use a fork and make cool designs like this:

You can also frost them after they cool. Tip: use a plastic knife instead of a butter or steak knife, your cuts will come out cleaner!

            Hamburger helper. Brown the meat FIRST. Do not just put all the ingredients in a giant skillet or you will get a greasy soupy mess. Browning hamburger is pretty much just cooking it until all the crumbles are brown and look like this:

Pretty simple. You don’t need to add any oil or butter because the fat from the hamburger will cook out and make its own “nonstick” liquid. After you brown the meat, drain out the grease in an empty can (not a beer can, unless you cut the top off that is going to be really messy. I would use a soup can.) DO NOT pour it down the drain. Basic chemistry lesson: the compounds in grease will solidify at room temperature or colder, aka the drain, and clog it up and then you will have to stare at a butt crack for the next 4 hours.

2. Pasta

Making pasta is probably one of the easiest and cheapest “real” meals you can make, and unless you are feeding a house full of boys it will probably last you a couple days. Everyone knows what spaghetti is, but my other favorites are penne, shells and the corkscrew pasta.

       
Here are the basics for boiling water: Get a big pot. Put a strainer in the sink. Fill the pot more than halfway but not quite ¾ way with water. Add a little salt. Turn on the burner. Watch it. Or at least be in the same room. Wait until the bubbles break the surface because if not, once you add the pasta, it’s going to stop boiling. When you are at a rolling boiling, kind of looks like river rapids, add the pasta, just pour it in, turn down the burner a little and separate the noodles with a fork or one of those fancy pasta scoopers which I doubt you have. You can put the lid on or not, I usually don’t because that fosters boiling over. Cook according to the package and then use oven mitts (Steam is hotter than you think) and drain. Rinse with cold water if you’d like.

Meanwhile…Get a saucepan and pour some marinara or alfredo sauce in or microwave it in a microwavable bowl. If you want to be fancy you can chop and sauté (that is cooking stuff in oil/butter over medium/low heat in a skillet) some mushrooms and onions and then put that in the sauce. Or see the hamburger helper section and put in browned meat.

Grate some cheese on top and some oregano/parsley/basil if you wanna be fancy…

It is also great for leftovers, just heat it up the next day or two or eat it cold. You can even put it in a sandwich. 

3. The Power of Bisquick

Bisquick is your best friend. You can make pancakes, waffles, biscuits, strawberry shortcake, and even fried chicken. The recipes are on the back of the box which is great! I recommend substituting buttermilk for milk in the pancakes and biscuits and especially trying the cheese-garlic biscuits but adding fresh garlic and chives into the mix instead of just brushing garlic butter on top. Also, make the drop biscuits because they are so much easier and quicker and you can just scoop the batter out with a spoon.They won't look like the picture but no one will care because they will taste fantastic.

4. Gourmet salads.

You may want to stick with iceberg lettuce and ranch if you are a picky eater.
lettuce: romaine, mesclun, spinach, arugula, kale

nuts/seeds: walnuts, hazelnuts, pecans, sliced almonds, sunflower seeds, etc.

dried fruit: dried cranberries, cherries, etc.

fresh fruit: blueberries, strawberries, mangoes, mandarin oranges, apples, etc.

cheese: gorgonzola, gruyere, blue cheese, feta

other veggies: tomatoes, avocado, carrots, red onions

meat: grilled sliced chicken, salmon, shrimp

dressings: balsamic vinaigrette, raspberry vinaigrette, Italian, poppy seed vinaigrette

I would pretty much just pick one from each category although you can experiment with your favorites. 
Here are some examples:
         -Mesculin and spinach with blackberries, nectarines, hazelnuts, feta and raspberry vinaigrette.

         -Romaine with salmon, sliced almonds, gruyere, apples and balsamic vinaigrette.
     

Congratulations. Now you have a spaghetti dinner with cheesy garlic biscuits, salad and brownies for dessert! Your friends will think you are a chef and thank you for filling their tummies with something other than ramen or cafeteria food.