Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing jerseys?

Why do women watch sports?

1. The guys. They say a woman loves a man in uniform, a sports uniform that is. Now there is some dispute of which sport takes the cake, but most would agree it is baseball players and their pants. While they may also be the biggest douchebags, they do have the nicest asses.

            What is even better is what’s under those outfits. Athletes no doubt have the best bodies. They’re fit, have high testosterone, and the endurance to carry you home (not in a creepy rapist way).
            Remember, even if their face is a 5, their body is a 20.
Hey Blake, mind if I do my laundry on your abs?

Now if a girl says that she doesn’t watch sports for the hot guys, she is lying. Or she’s a lesbian. Now, this may not be the only reason she watches sports, but it definitely is one of them, and if not, then she must be watching the WNBA or something.

2. THE guy. Sort of under the previous category is watching for a specific guy whether you are dating him or wish you were dating him. Girls think that guys will actually notice that they are amongst 10,000 other girls wearing their number or that the quarterback actually knows their name. No matter how many games you go to, that isn’t going to make him like you any more, it may even give you a creeper vibe, especially if you are going to every away tennis match or wear a shirt like Mrs. So and So and constantly post on his facebook wall, “Wow you played so great. you’re like so talented”

3. Because guys like sports. Just like girls laugh at guys even when they’re not funny, girls also pretend to like sports. Whether you are pretending or actually don’t know shit about sports guys like dumb bimbos because they can “teach them” and of course guys feel all masculine and what not. These girls don’t even know a first down from a first pitch and probably aren’t even rooting for the right team. (the ones in the blue, right?) These girls are annoying because they go to super bowl parties in their little cheerleading outfits and if they are wearing a jersey, they probably aren’t wearing any pants on underneath. These are the girls in high school who flocked the stadiums and courts in their high heels and hairspray and you can also find them later on in life courtside at NBA games. If you are gonna dress like a hoe to a sporting event, at least wear one of the team colors. And yes you just missed Kobe score all 81 of his points.

There are the few who actually enjoy watching sports. These are the girls who probably have brothers, play sports themselves or were boys in another life. Don’t get these girls confused with the ones who “think” they know about sports and just name drop random “celeb” athletes. This is usually pretty obvious when a guy brings up a sport and then a girl just gushes out random vague facts about any sport that ever existed, example being “OMG did you see Lebron James score that basket that one time in the championship game. Like omg that was so cool, he’s sooo good.” Uhh no one asked you about Lebron James and no shit he scored a basket, he is the only one on his team. Rule of thumb is, if you don’t know what you’re talking about just shut up.

The easiest way to learn to like sports is to learn the rules of the game. It’s a lot more entertaining when you actually know what’s going on. Why is everyone lined up watching that guy shoot?! Why don’t they just run up the middle?! All you have to do is google the rules, watch a couple games, pick your favorite player and bam, you’re hooked.
Now, channel your inner jersey (or cleat) chaser and go watch some sports, I promise it’s fun and if not, maybe you’ll meet some guys.

The End.

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